When I was at university, I was very unhappy. Note: This is going to start off a little heavy, so be ready, I’ll do my best to keep the flow steady (just lightening the mood with some rhymes). Not just because it was boring or because having a negative existential demeanour was in fashion in 2013. I was constantly questioning my life, where I wanted to go, what my purpose was, and what I wanted to get out of my time on Earth. Nothing could quench the dissatisfaction I had for life. I was sucked deep into the existential vacuum at around the age of 23; so not only was I constantly questioning my life, but everyone around me was making predictable Blink-182 jokes.
It was during this time that I googled “how to be happy” (just like you may have). This was the very first step on a very long path, that I’m still walking, in my search for self-improvement. Below you’ll find a summation of the most important insights I've come across so far, on my expedition to find this elusive state of happiness.
What does it mean to be happy?
The definition of happiness is "the state of being happy" (super insightful - thanks
dictionary 😑). “Happy” is defined as “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment”, but
that definition sucks; however, in saying that, trying to get a clear definition of happiness is almost impossible. If you search for resources on happiness you get an almost uncategorizable amount of information and advice on what happiness is or how to attain it; from positivity thinking psychology, self-help books, blogs (thanks for stopping by 😉) YouTube videos, finding your purpose, finding faith in God, Buddhist doctrines, Daoist quotes about inner peace, quotes you’d frame and put up on your kitchen wall, psychological tricks, staying in the present moment, Eastern & Western philosophies and last and probably least, Instagram influencers (I’m guilty of this myself, but what can you do?). How can we possibly pin down what it means to be happy? Everyone has their own unique view of what it means to be happy which makes defining this term even harder.
So, now that we have no idea of what it means to be happy, let’s move on.
Why is it so hard to be happy?
In my opinion, happiness is an unattainable emotion or state of being that we, as a society, have put on a pedestal. How could one possibly try to live up to its reputation? Simply admitting that you need to be happier is acknowledging that what you have is not enough. It’s how we think about happiness that restricts us from ascertaining it (I’ll address this at the end of the blog). It’s also difficult to be happy because it’s not in our DNA to be.
“Natural selection doesn’t care about your state of wellbeing, it only cares about getting your genes into the next generation” – Daniel Liebermann, The story of the human body.
The traits that once aided our ancestors to survive, and hence reproduce, are the traits that were passed on to the next generation. These traits aided humans of the past to be highly anxious, to worry about the future; humans that didn’t fret about those things often died, failing to pass on their traits to the next generation. That’s right, its Charles Darwin’s fault we’re all living in a constant state of mild anxiety. Humans, as they are today, have existed for approximately 2 million years. That is a lot of time to develop our mental and physical faculties. These faculties are hardwired into our DNA; we were sculpted by the chisel of natural selection. When you take the traits that we inherited from our ancestors (who were required to search for food and fight for their survival) and drop them into the modern lifestyle, we’re left with what the Buddha called “dukkha”, a constant underlying sense of dissatisfaction, or unhappiness. This is the feeling I was referring to during my time at university.
“The existential vacuum manifests itself in a state of boredom” – Viktor Frankl, man’s search for meaning.
The human mind is not designed to be in a constant state of happiness or bliss, but it can be trained to stay in the present moment. When you’re truly in the present moment, troubles of the past and worries of the future cease to exist; this doesn’t create happiness, it teaches us to see reality for what it really is – so we can accept it.
Let’s define happiness properly
Instead of just learning to be happy, we can find happiness when we learn to just be (is that profound? It sounded profound in my head). Happiness is contentment; accepting reality for what it is – not what you want it to be. Humans have the ability to imagine alternate realities but as soon as you attach to those non-existent realities, you diminish the reality you’re actually in. The Buddha teaches you to accept the reality you’re in as it is, by guiding you on the dhamma, a set of teachings and a meditation technique called Vipassana meditation. We need to understand why we act the way we do, but most importantly how to overcome it, and that takes practice. Reading quotes and books can enlighten you and grow your consciousness at the time of reading, but how long before your mind wanders off to your old thought patterns, you forget the content, and go back to dissatisfaction? Meditation strengthens your ability to stay present, allowing you to spend less time in anxious thought about the past and future. You’ll also keep your intent - to accept reality as it is - at the forefront of your mind more often.
Don’t be misled, I’m still at the beginning of my journey to liberation; however, I’ve learned and gained more in 8 months of dedicated meditation than I did in the 4 years of gathering information about meditation, philosophy, psychology, and happiness on the internet and in books. My advice: Instead of concerning yourself with how to be happy, spend more time training your mind to accept the present moment - as it is - through meditation. Much love 😘